There was a time when I believed that having a relationship with God meant checking every spiritual box: Sunday service, Bible study, tithing, serving in ministry, and knowing just the right scripture to quote in any situation. And while all of those practices played a role in shaping my foundation, I’ve learned something deeper on this journey—something more intimate, more raw, more real:
My relationship with God is personal. And it’s still evolving.
From Religion to Relationship
I grew up in the church. Like many Black women, my earliest experiences with faith were grounded in tradition, ritual, and reverence. And for that, I am thankful. Church gave me community. It taught me how to pray. It introduced me to the presence of God.
But somewhere along the way, I realized that knowing about God wasn’t the same as knowing God. I was doing all the “right” things, but something inside still felt disconnected—like I was more focused on performance than presence.
That’s when the shift began. I started asking deeper questions. I started wrestling with doubt, disappointment, and silence. And in that uncomfortable space, I began to truly discover who God is to me.
Permission to Evolve
Somewhere, someone taught us that our relationship with God had to stay the same forever—that questioning meant backsliding, or that struggling meant spiritual failure. But I’ve come to believe the opposite is true.
A real relationship with God invites growth. It welcomes questions. It makes room for grief, change, and new revelation.
There were seasons where I cried out and heard nothing. Times when I was angry with God and didn’t pray for days. Moments when I felt like a stranger in familiar faith spaces. But guess what? God didn’t leave. God didn’t shame me. God just kept loving me—even through my silence.
My God Is Close and Kind
Today, I no longer see God as a distant judge keeping score. I see God as my confidant, my comforter, my quiet strength. I talk to Him in the car, in the kitchen, in the chaos. I pray with tears, with laughter, with honesty. I don’t need perfect words—I just need a surrendered heart.
Some days I feel on fire with faith. Other days, I’m just holding on. But through it all, God is with me. Not because I’ve earned it, but because I’m His. That kind of love is what transforms you.
Your Walk, Your Way
If you’re reading this and your faith feels different now—more fragile, more complex, more real—you’re not alone. And you’re not doing it wrong. Faith isn’t about perfection. It’s about pursuit. It’s about showing up, even when you’re unsure, and trusting that God can handle every version of you.
So take the pressure off. Let your relationship with God be personal. Let it breathe. Let it shift. Let it stretch and surprise you.
Because faith, like any real relationship, grows deeper not in the pretending—but in the honesty.
God Meets You Where You Are
Wherever you are on your spiritual journey—doubting, believing, rebuilding, or just beginning—know this: God is not intimidated by your questions, your wounds, or your humanity. He sees you. He knows you. And He’s walking with you, step by step.
My relationship with God isn’t perfect. But it’s personal. It’s evolving. And it’s enough.
Written by CE Moss
