You did what you were supposed to do. You went to bed at a reasonable hour, slept through most of the night and logged somewhere close to eight hours. Yet when the alarm sounded the next morning, getting out of bed felt like an accomplishment in itself.
By 10 a.m., you’re reaching for another cup of coffee. By midafternoon, you’re wondering whether you could squeeze in a nap. And somewhere between work, family and everything else demanding your attention, you find yourself asking a frustrating question: If I’m getting enough sleep, why am I still so tired?
The answer may have less to do with how long you’re sleeping and more to do with what is happening while you sleep—and what is happening in your body during the rest of the day.
Eight Hours Doesn’t Always Mean Eight Good Hours
We’ve become accustomed to thinking about sleep almost entirely in numbers. Seven hours. Eight hours. Maybe nine on a particularly good weekend.
But sleep isn’t simply time spent unconscious.
Healthy sleep moves through different stages throughout the night, and repeated interruptions can interfere with that process. You may not even remember waking. A partner moving, a barking dog, a television playing, an uncomfortable room, pain, frequent trips to the bathroom or simply tossing and turning can fragment a night’s sleep.
That’s why two women can both say they slept eight hours and wake feeling completely different.
If you’re consistently waking exhausted, it may be more useful to consider the quality and consistency of your sleep rather than focusing exclusively on the clock.
Then There’s the Life You Take to Bed With You
For many women, nighttime is when the house finally becomes quiet.
Unfortunately, the mind doesn’t always follow.
The body is under the covers, but the brain is reviewing tomorrow’s schedule, thinking about the mortgage, worrying about an aging parent, replaying something that happened at work and remembering three things that didn’t get done today.
For women carrying careers, households, businesses, relationships, caregiving responsibilities and community commitments, mental exhaustion can easily follow us into the bedroom.
And technology hasn’t exactly helped.
One last look at Facebook turns into another video. A notification leads to an email. The email reminds you about tomorrow’s meeting. Suddenly your mind is back at work when it should be preparing for sleep.
Creating a nighttime routine doesn’t have to involve an elaborate collection of candles, teas and expensive sleep products. It may simply mean giving yourself 30 quiet minutes before bed, putting the phone down, lowering the lights and allowing the day to end.
Sometimes the body needs a signal that you are officially off duty.
Midlife Can Change the Sleep Conversation
For women in their 40s and 50s, persistent fatigue can also arrive alongside another major transition: perimenopause and menopause.
Hormonal changes during this stage of life can affect sleep, and hot flashes or night sweats may repeatedly wake women throughout the night. Some women also begin experiencing sleep difficulties even when hot flashes aren’t obvious.
This can be particularly confusing for a woman who has slept well most of her adult life.
Suddenly she’s awake at 2:17 a.m.
Then again at 4:05.
By morning, she’s technically been in bed for eight hours but feels as though she barely rested.
If changes in sleep are occurring alongside irregular periods, hot flashes or other symptoms associated with the menopausal transition, that’s worth discussing with a healthcare provider rather than simply accepting exhaustion as another part of getting older.
The Things We Use to Fight Fatigue Can Sometimes Feed It
There is also an interesting cycle that develops when we’re tired.
We reach for caffeine because we’re exhausted. Sometimes that second or third cup comes late in the afternoon. Then bedtime arrives and falling asleep becomes more difficult. The following morning we’re exhausted again, so naturally, we reach for more caffeine.
Alcohol can create a similar misconception. A drink in the evening may make someone feel relaxed or sleepy, but feeling sleepy and experiencing restorative sleep aren’t necessarily the same thing.
Rather than immediately eliminating everything you enjoy, pay attention to patterns.
What time are you drinking your last coffee?
Do you sleep differently on nights you drink alcohol?
Do you sleep better when you aren’t looking at your phone immediately before bed?
A week of simply observing yourself can reveal more than you might expect.
But Sometimes Tired Is More Than Tired
This is where the conversation becomes especially important.
Persistent fatigue should not automatically be dismissed as stress, aging or having too much to do.
Anemia, thyroid disorders, depression, medication side effects and other medical conditions can contribute to fatigue. Sleep disorders can also leave someone exhausted despite spending plenty of time in bed.
Sleep apnea is one example. It causes breathing to repeatedly stop and restart during sleep, disrupting the body’s ability to get the restorative rest it needs.
While loud snoring and gasping during sleep are commonly associated with sleep apnea, women may also experience symptoms such as fatigue, insomnia, headaches and difficulty concentrating.
So the woman who has spent months telling herself, “I guess I’m just tired because I’m getting older,” may actually need a medical evaluation.
That’s why changes in your normal energy level matter.
You know what normal feels like for you.
If something has changed and isn’t improving, mention it.
Black Women, We Have to Stop Wearing Exhaustion Like a Medal
There is another side of this conversation that can’t be measured by a sleep tracker.
Some of us have become so accustomed to being tired that we’ve stopped considering it unusual.
We work.
We take care of children and grandchildren.
We check on our parents.
We serve at church.
We answer everybody’s phone calls.
We run businesses after coming home from our regular jobs.
We solve problems.
We show up.
And somewhere along the way, exhaustion becomes proof that we’re handling everything.
But constantly running on empty isn’t an achievement.
Rest doesn’t have to be earned after everyone else’s needs have been satisfied. And taking care of yourself isn’t something that should remain permanently at the bottom of tomorrow’s list.
Sometimes the healthiest thing a woman can say at the end of the day is simply:
“That’s enough for today.”
Pay Attention for One Week
If you’ve been waking tired, spend the next seven days paying attention rather than immediately trying to fix everything.
Notice when you actually fall asleep—not just when you get into bed. Pay attention to how often you wake, whether you’re experiencing night sweats, what time you’re having caffeine and how much time you’re spending on your phone before bed.
Notice how you feel in the morning.
Notice when your energy drops during the afternoon.
If you share a bedroom with someone, ask whether they’ve noticed loud snoring, gasping or unusual breathing while you’re asleep.
And if you’re consistently getting enough sleep but still waking exhausted, bring those observations to your healthcare provider.
The goal isn’t to diagnose yourself.
It’s to give your doctor a clearer picture of what’s happening.
Your Body May Be Asking for More Than Sleep
Maybe you need a better bedtime routine.
Maybe stress is following you under the covers.
Maybe hormonal changes are interrupting your rest.
Maybe your afternoon coffee is lasting longer than you realized.
Or maybe your fatigue is something that needs medical attention.
Whatever the reason, being exhausted every day shouldn’t automatically become your new normal simply because life is busy.
Eight hours in bed tells you how much time passed.
How you feel when you wake up tells you something too.
And perhaps instead of asking, “Why can’t I push through this tiredness?” the better question is:
“What is my body trying to tell me?”
Written by Tina Greene
Editor’s Note: This article provides general health and wellness information and is not intended to diagnose or treat a medical condition. Persistent, unexplained or concerning fatigue should be discussed with a qualified healthcare professional.
